My son has always been enamored with dark hair girls. Always has. Since he was a baby, he would stop, get really quiet, and just stare inquisitively at any woman around that had dark hair and tan or olive skin. Now, at thee years old, he goes to daycare, and his very best friend for the last year has been a young girl in his class named Isabel. She is Latino. They do everything together - every lunch they sit together, every snack time, every play center, every adventure on the playground - except naptime, because they talk so much they keep the others awake. She is the only friend at school that Tyler lets hug him when he is upset. On days when he doesn't want to go to school, I can encourage him out the door if I tell him "Isa" is waiting to see him. Best. Friends.
Now comes the story. A few weeks ago, I took Tyler on a particularly cold evening, to the Swamp Indoor Playground at the Oaks Mall for some running around time. I had been feeling glum myself, so I was looking forward to just sitting and letting him enjoy. We hadn't been there more than 20 minutes when a young Asian girl walked to the playground entrance with her parents. She had dark hair, and eyes - very pretty! Tyler ran right over. I heard him say, "Hi, Isa!" and then he gestured like, come on! Lets play!
The poor girl stared at him, thinking this strange boy must be out of his mind!! But nontheless, Tyler was friendly and polite, looking to play. The little girl took off her shoes, as required, and ran off into the playground. Tyler followed, jumping and skipping as she had, and disappeared into a mass of children inside a large foam-crafted tree with a slide.
A few moments later, I heard screaming, and a line of children filed out of the tree and began running the perimeter of the playground. All in fun, I thought, as I watched Tyler lagging behind a group of older girls. They were getting a little loud, and I thought it might be Tyler that was screaming so loud. So I walked over to catch him mid-circle, and reminded him to take it slow and use his inside voice.
When I let him go from our little pow-wow, I saw him look around for the group of girls that included his dark-haired beauty (whom he thought was Isabel), specifically seeking them out to play with. He soon found them, because once again, a conga line of girls (and one other little boy) came careening by, screaming shrieks of pretend horror, with Tyler bringing up the rear. The others didn't seem to care that he was lagging so far behind.
I watched them circle around once again. Tyler stopped to climb over an over-sized alligator and then crawl under a bridge. The girls moved closer to where I was sitting, and balanced on a huge dragon fly. Tyler saw them, and headed over.
My heart sank as I realized what was happening. The girls shrieked again. "He's coming!" they yelled, and they took off, just as he reached the dragon fly. Then he took off after them. The look on his face was of pure oblivion. He had no idea. They weren't running with him in some sort of racing game. They were running AWAY from him.
The dark-haired girl had teamed up
with a friend, an older girl, who had decided that Tyler was the plague. They
would take off screaming every time he tried to join them in an activity. And
didn't even know it! My glum mood turned to sadness. I didn't know if I felt
bad because they were mocking him and running away, or if I felt sad because he
wasn't conizant enough to realize it.
While I was sitting there trying to
decide if this experience was going to hurt or help my child, the girls found
themselves cornered. Tyler was running "with" them and they had to
stop because other children were in the way. The older girl (blonde) turned to
face the "monster" (my son) and wagged her finger, put her hand on
her hip, and shook her head like something out of a Britney Spears video. She
couldn't have been more than 7. Then the dark-haired girl stepped forward and
repeated the display of attitude, and stomped off. Tyler stood there, catching
his breath, and still unaware that he'd just been told to "Beat It."
I called him over to me, offered
water, and an unsolicited hug, before he was off again, but this time, to a
different activity. Both girls left shortly after that, as it was pushing 7pm.
I let Tyler play a bit longer. Mostly, I needed to sit there and confront the
feelings that had just been awakened in me. I know first hand how cruel
children can be. But this was a whole new emotion watching it happen to my own
child. I tried to grapple with the monumentous task of how to support him while
letting him to learn to stand up for himself. I feared the day he looks at me
and puts his hand on his hip like that, a Justin Beiber attitude of his
own.
And suddenly, the wholeness and fleeting
time of his current innocence hit me. Tears welled up, as I realized, he's on
the cusp. All I wanted to do was hold him, make him small again, and keep him
safe forever. And then, I felt grateful. Grateful that my son has grown this
much, and is so unassuming. So open minded and accepting, that he doesn't even
suspect the slightest foul play in anyone. And I cherished that. Relished in
it, for a few more moments, and then smiled. When I asked him what he wanted
for dinner, he chose Chinese food over pizza.
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| With his best friend, Isabel, at school |
